The Day After

After Ahia and I talked last Tuesday, I thought everything’s finally going to be okay. But no. It didn’t.

Yesterday morning, Oink called me up at home to check if I was okay since I wasn’t replying to their text messages. My mom answered her call and asked her if she was with me at our Shopwise Booth that Tuesday. She said no.

Yes, I was stupid for lying and not informing them about it. Everything got so confusing, but since I already lied, might as well stick by it. While my mom was talking with Oink over the phone, I was texting her on what to say. I’ve never seen my parents so disappointed in me before. And it hurts.

I just fixed everything. I just ended everything. I was ready to move one with my new life. Why did this had to happen? I’ve unintentionally involved so many people. And I’ve hurt them without wanting to. All because I just wanted to make everything right already. How did it get this complicated?

Ahia still keeps on texting me until now. I’ve told him lots of times to stop already. To let me go. I’ve even been cruel to say tantanan na niya ako. I respected the choices he made. Even if it hurt me. All I’m asking is that he respects mine. He agreed. He promised to stop. Many times. Yet, he still keeps on texting me.

I understand his side. I know it’s hard. I know it's painful. What I don’t understand is why is it so much easier for me to let go? After that talk we had, I was okay. I’ve accepted that we’re not meant to be together—not even as friends. It’s like I’ve cried out all my pain already. And at this point, I don’t feel anything anymore.

Last night, I realized God’s purpose for all these. Perhaps God wanted to help me get over Kuya. Maybe he saw how much pain I’ve endured and He already interfered to help me. So, He put Ahia in my life. With Ahia, I learned to be happy again. I became aware of a lot of things about myself. I realized I was still capable of loving. Then, I learned how to let go. Despite the pain I’ve went through over the past months, I’m thankful for everything that has happened.

I know I’m causing Ahia so much pain with my decision to part ways. But this is the right thing. And he knows that. I guess sometimes, we really have to be cruel in order to be kind.